I recently realized that I went maybe a good 6-8 months without being sad. I wasn’t upset, disappointed, angry or sad about anything in the past months. Just the other day I realized, as I sat there on the bus, waiting to come home… that I am sad. Something in the past 8months changed, something
new old had been introduced to me and it brought with it reminders of my morose lifestyle.
okay im done. cuz now im just being a dramatic bitch lol. whats changed? whats changed is that i started school… thats probably it. plus its been raining nonstop for like 72 hours… whatsup?
So it’s come to my attention that the few people who visit my blog, may be visiting to read my posts to simply judge me, and judge my character. For those who care, that’s why my posts have just been about stale images, silly videos and less me…
I was thinking about this and it sorta pissed me off… I’m not even mad about the fact that people come on here to read my shit and think that they know me because you still visit the page and bring my stats up lol, but I’m more mad that I’ve allowed these nobodys to direct my blog, and/or even my own life. Why do I allow such stupid things to affect me? I can’t believe that I’ve stopped writing about such titillating topics such as my deadlift/squat workouts (lol) or about relationships… I mean, that was MY niche! If you came this blog, you immediately knew what it was all about, if you wanted to come and judge me, that’s your prerogative. I never had a gun to any of your heads and forced you to read all of the smart, intellectual, fun, enthralling posts I had on here, but you still did and you decided on your own to talk shit… so how much more of a “loser” does that make YOU? eh? Well either way, I think I’m gonna have to stop being so spineless and stick to what I want to do, rather than let others’ judgements/comments dictate my life.
There’s just too many haters out there… haters all day everyday… where is the love bitches?
I said your name aloud today by accident and there was this surge of emotions. It was a beautiful mess; a concoction of nervousness, regret, guilt, joy, confusion, motivation, emptiness, angst, content, fluster… then like a ton of bricks came the irrefutable, conclusive: indifference.
This post will kind of be a continuation of THIS ONE from April 2009. It’s about breaking up with someone and how to get over it? Or realizing whether or not you’re over him/her.
This post however, will take a different approach. It’s about how you can tell if you are really over your ex-significant-other. Often times, you hear this from people; “how long should I wait till i get a new bf/gf?”
That simple question right there says a lot… Just the fact that you’re asking whether or not it’s okay to get a new gf/bf says that you are worried that you might “hurt” your ex. If you’re worried about hurting him/her, that means you’re not really over them. It’s as simple as that. Same goes for those people who go out of their way to try and hook up with anything that moves after a break up. The fact that you’re deliberately going out of your way to hook up with someone else in hopes of hurting your ex, means that you are bitter, and bitterness comes from the fact that your love was taken away.
Why would you be bitter about a former relationship? Only when it ended prematurely, when YOU weren’t ready to end it. There’s always one person in a break up that ends up being bitter, and the other indifferent. The indifferent person will move on with their life and find someone new one their own terms. If a new person comes along that same week, he/she won’t care what his/her ex thinks about it.
Indifference, is the only escape. It’s that one thing that shows you’re over someone. Not wasting time hating, or wishing he/she will come back. Indifference means you’re moving on as if nothing happened.
So when you have to ask yourself, or your friends “how long should I wait till I start dating someone new?” Just stop. There’s no need to rush, take your time to get over your ex and let things fall into place from there.
Just like the rest of you guys with your finals and stuff; I’m tired. But I’m not tired of studying, because I don’t do any of that. In fact, I’m tired of never studying. I’m tired of always just “getting by.” I’m tired of telling myself “good enough.” I’m tired of others looking at me as if I am nothing. I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t hurt. I’m tired of letting others put me down. I’m tired of surrounding myself with people that will bring me down. I’m tired of always being the nice guy. I’m tired of stating the obvious. I’m tired of lying. I’m tired of being your clown. I’m tired of being your doormat. I’m tired of saying “it’s okay.” I’m tired of feeling hopeless. I’m tired of never getting any help. I’m tired of people telling me “it could be worse.” I’m tired of my lack of optimism. I’m tired of letting things get the best of me. I’m tired of constantly running through hoops. I’m tired of blaming it on bad luck. I’m tired of complaining. I’m tired of wishing. I’m tired of dreaming. I’m tired of hoping. I’m tired of keeping everything bottled up inside. I’m tired of not having anyone to talk to. I’m tired of being tired.
Where is my relief?
There are those rare occasions where the break-up(in a relationship) leads to a continuing and lasting friendship. However a break-up can lead to drama and animosity between two people, in this case they will often tell each other that they “Hate” one another. But is Hate the right word to use when two people truly abhor one another? People like to think that the opposite of Love is Hate, but wake up people… because it’s not! Whether you just claim to simply dislike someone, or belittle them with a melange of sesquipedalian disparagement, it simply doesn’t do justice.
Are you really going to tell me that sitting there forlorn and telling your girlfriends and your best buds how much you hate your ex-significant-other really illustrates your bitterness for that person? I have not been in too many relationships so I can’t tell you how I handled my break-ups, but I can say that I would have made it a big deal and told everyone how much abhorrence I had for the one that broke up with me. I would explain to my friends how much I HATED her and how much the relationship sucked…
If I was as spoony and sophomoric as people think I am… but I know the difference between Love and Hate. Love is adoring someone. Love is putting her ahead of myself and my needs. Hate is discontent. How dissatisfied I am/was with the relationship- Hate and Love are not true antonyms of each other. Simply hating someone only turns into a sempiternal illusion that we cannot escape. Hate just ends up being the next stage of Love. Once you’re out of love, it becomes irrelevant. However, if you are stuck in that stage of Hate, then it’s just an extension of Love. Another inescapable fate. Hate is the absolute bankruptcy of love, but not the opposite of love. So then it can be said that the true antonym for Love is INDIFFERENCE.
Indifferent; Marked by no special liking or disliking of something, marked by lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. That is the truly the opposite of Love. If I disliked someone, I wouldn’t give him/her a second of my time. I wouldn’t sit around looking forlorn hoping to open up to someone. I don’t care if you’re an award-winning raconteur, writing hate letters or telling friends how much hatred you have for her would mean victory for her. BUT, show her that you’re indifferent, that you are not concerned about her, that she lacks any interesting characteristics, and you will have the lachrymose ending you so craved from her (not suggesting your goal be seeking schadenfreude). Maybe she will try to twist that knife in your back and tease you a little, or tell her friends to relay a message to you about how she might be regretting the break-up. But stay focused; show absolute disinterest in her and whatever she has to say. Display your ennui towards every possible action she might take, and it will break her heart.
So stop wasting your time thinking about how much you hate him/her, utilize your gift for vituperation against something/someone useful. Set off on a long peregrination and discover a new love.